A hot cup of southern pecan coffee, collards and black-eyed peas cooking in the kitchen, my Clemson Tigers going to the National Championship, the Christmas trees (I have four) finally down and the house reorganized, the kids happily playing together in their rooms, my husband and dog curled up beside me on the couch, and the laptop on my lap – so far so good in 2016! If every day could be like this, I’d have no complaints. But life isn’t always this easy, is it? There are valleys and mountaintops and everywhere in between, and the truth is, we can make all of our plans, but life will often take us places we never imagined or even thought possible. So, as I sit here and watch the cursor blink on my screen, I think how much weight that little blinking bar holds – it is waiting on me to do the “New Year thing” and declare my goals to accomplish in the next 365 days. To be honest, before this past year I never took the ritualistic making-of-the-resolutions seriously – I mean, resolutions are made to be broken right? Perhaps the problem wasn’t with my resolutions but with my attitude.
Things changed for me in 2015 because I made a few specific resolutions and I actually got behind them. I decided enough was enough, I wasn’t getting any younger and I was tired of waiting for the life I always wanted to finally begin. For years I talked about the “one days” and the “dreams” and the “sometime in the futures” but I never really did anything to take those from thoughts to realities. Not until last year. I think making very specific goals that put me in the driver’s seat of my own life was key: I vowed to learn to say “no” even when I felt pressured to bend to other people’s wants despite my own limitations; I promised I would lose weight and get healthy and set an example to my own kids; I swore to finally write the book I’ve always said I would write. Guess what? I accomplished all three of those goals, and I thank God for giving me the faith, the tenacity, and the ability to do it.
But 2015 has come to a close, and now it’s time to look forward to the year ahead and the newest goals I hope to accomplish, God-willing and the creek don’t rise. Of course I want to expand on the accomplishments of 2015, but I want to take them a step further and declare my newest goals publicly, openly and honestly. Y’all can hold me to this, right?
Resolution #1: Less electronics, more life
This one is a biggie. It’s a problem that’s been sneaking up on me, and I suspect most of the nation. How many of us go out to dinner but instead of talking to our family, peruse Facebook or answer emails? How many of us sat around during the latest holidays and texted or posted selfies instead of getting actual face time with our loved ones? I’m not calling y’all guilty (even though some of you probably are) but I’m pointing that finger at myself. Technology is an awesome thing, but it comes at a cost when we neglect our families and friends for the need to be in constant contact with our online following. We have friends and followers galore in the virtual reality, but who’s really there in actuality?
I just had a hard reality check the other day courtesy of my eight-year-old daughter. It was a beautiful day and she’d been outside playing when she suddenly burst through the back door.
“Mama, can you come play with me? It’s so pretty outside!” Her little face was lit up with the biggest smile.
“Maybe in a little bit,” I said nonchalantly, now ashamedly admitting I never intended to do it. I was busy watching Dr. Phil and folding laundry while intermittently answering those little cell phone dings indicating new emails arriving to my inbox. Upon my reply, she quietly closed the door, walked out to her swing set and sat down alone. I glanced out the window and saw her sitting on the swing – she wasn’t smiling anymore, and I felt like a heel. Was laundry, e-mails and whatever nutcase was on Dr. Phil worth that? No. Right then and there I decided I was wrong, so I put down the unfolded towels, slipped on my shoes and walked out back.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I decided to come out here and swing with you,” I told her. “I bet I can swing higher!”
For the next while we stayed out there swinging and laughing and playing without concern for all the grown up stuff and electronic hassles awaiting me inside. I had fun, and I was pretty sure she did too. The next morning, bright and early, she came and jumped up beside me in the bed after her Daddy went to work.
“Mama,” she started. “Yesterday was the best day of my life. I had so much fun playing with you.”
Had I really been missing out on that for having my nose stuck in electronics more often than not? Had I been denying her the opportunity to simply play with her Mama and be a kid? Nope, no more.
So today I declare my family is more important than anything electronic. Today is only here in the present and once the moment is passed, it’s gone forever. Tomorrow is never promised. I’m going to quit wasting today and make every moment count.
Resolution #2: Continue to expand the healthy lifestyle
My weight has always been an issue for me. If you’ve been a devoted reader of my blog, you know how I was often bullied for it during my younger years. Before last year’s resolution, I’d often been on a diet rollercoaster – lose weight, gain it back plus some, lose a little, gain a lot. You know how that goes. I tried everything – “magic pills”, starvation-esque diets, fads and it was all a wash. The difference came last year when I quit looking at “losing weight” and concentrated more on “getting healthy.” At first glance, those two things may look identical but they can be very, very different. What I’ve now learned is that if you are eating and behaving in healthy ways, your weight will follow suit.
In the past year, I’ve lost 40 lbs and gone from a size 16 to a size 8, and I did it all by changing the way I ate and enhancing my understanding of foods and how they work to benefit your body when eaten in correct proportions. There’s a whole lot more to it as well, including natural supplements, homeopathic solutions, alternative therapies and a commitment to exercise. I’m going to do a few blog series in the future about some of the changes I’ve made but mostly in a nutshell, I quit processed, unnatural and chemical and sugar-laden foods in favor of whole, organic Paleo fare. The new lifestyle has brought about physical, mental and even spiritual clarity. If you’re interested in learning more about that, stay tuned!!
In 2016, I vow to keep up with the new lifestyle while also learning more about natural supplements and essential oils in an effort to make my body more alkaline, strong and resistant to disease. God says our bodies are His temple, and I’m going to make sure I’m keeping His temple clean and well-nourished.
Resolution #3: Continue to improve my marriage in every way
Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to marriage I think I’m a pretty blessed girl. My husband and I have been through our share of trials over the years, from his never-ending work commitments to family issues. However, anything devised to tear us apart has only brought us closer together in the long run, and I am super thankful for that. But there’s always room for improvement, am I right? Spouses aren’t something you can take for granted. Our lives are always changing and therefore the dynamics of our relationship is always changing as well. Believe me, my husband and I don’t get nearly the quantity of time together we used to have before three kids came in the picture so we have to strive to make the quality of our time optimum. We love our date nights, though they are few and far between. I hope to have more of those in the new year! One thing we started doing this past year was so simple yet so effective. Every night, no matter the work load still pending or the kind of day we’ve had, we get into bed, turn on one mindless TV show, put our essential oil diffuser on, snuggle and just hang out. Sometimes in our busy lives, it’s easy to forget how important it is just to spend time with those we love. I read once that if the family is a tree, then the marriage is the roots on the tree. If the roots are healthy, the fruits (kids) will be likewise. But if the roots aren’t cared for, the fruit will wither and spoil. It’s important to protect our marriages, y’all. Our kids are counting on us.
In the coming year, I promise to my husband that he will be my partner in every avenue of life no matter the circumstances. We will continue to find opportunities to spend more time together in our couple’s Bible study, on date nights and when we’re simply hanging out. Anything we face, we’ll do it together.
Resolution #4: Learn that I am a priority, and it’s okay to be one
This one is hard for me. I started this in 2015 with the “learn to say no” resolution, and I’m taking it a step further this year. I’m a people-pleaser, and I’ve always put my own needs on a shelf in order to live up to everyone else’s expectations. You do it thinking you’re being selfless but in actuality you’re really just creating some deep-seated resentment. It’s too easy for your supposed selfless gestures to turn into a self-destructive behavior pattern. You’ve always heard that you can’t love someone unless you love yourself first, and the same goes for this. You can’t truly meet someone else’s needs unless you’ve first fulfilled your own, and if you try, you’ll find your heart just isn’t in it. I’ve learned it isn’t being selfish, it’s being a complete person who can then fully put their heart and soul into a project.
In 2016, I’m going to say “no” to the demands and requests that negatively affect my family. I can’t be everything to everyone and that’s okay. I’m not going to try to get people to like me because I do something for them – I’m going to earn their respect by being able to offer them the very best that I am. I realize that some people won’t take kindly to this but I now know that if they feel this way, then they are free to go because they never had my best interests at heart anyways. My formula for new year success: Happy mama, happy wife, happy friend = happy life.
Resolution #5: Be like Jesus
I used to think this would be a direct contradiction with the aforementioned resolution, but now I realize they are very similar. If I’m happy, content and confident in myself then I can direct more energy and resources outward. I find myself getting caught up in “first world problems” so often: I wanted a Starbucks but the drive through window was down. Wah.; My internet signal is crummy and my Netflix movie won’t download! Wah.; I’m almost out of data on my cell phone. Wah. Meanwhile, there are people in this world being tortured and killed for their beliefs, children starving, war veterans living on the streets and so much more. It must be nice to have my problems! If we could all be like Jesus, my how this world could change. What could I accomplish if I approached every situation with a spirit of love? What change could I affect in the world if my attitude was one of giving instead of taking?
This year, I will be the change I want to see in the world. I will strive to live a life of which Jesus would approve while working hard to cultivate the fruits of the spirit in myself. I’m not going to look for fulfillment in the approval of humans but in the success of following Him, knowing that even if my best efforts are met with hardened hearts and bad attitudes, I will continue the good fight despite any obstacles thrown in my way.
Resolution #6: Publish my first book (aka my “fourth child”) and finish the second one
Career goals – this would be the ultimate professional coup for me. 2015 saw the completion of my first book manuscript and I wish/hope/fervently pray that 2016 will see its publication. I’m not kidding when I call the book my “fourth child” for I have truly given birth again. When I started this blog a few months ago, I shared with you the decision I made to embark on this life-long dream and what that meant to me. I have poured my heart and soul into this project and countless hours of writing, reading and editing. I just finished writing my query letter and now the time has come to send my baby out into the world. I’m filled with both trepidation and pride to see her go, and I hope someone out there will love her as much as I do.
I pray 2016 will see me become a published fiction author. I also plan to finish writing my next book, the second installment in the series. And for good measure [insert shameless plea here] – should anyone know someone who knows someone who knows someone who is a literary agent, I’d love to meet them!
There they are, my friends: Six little declared goals that could impact my future. I don’t know what tomorrow brings – only God knows that – but I do have hope, and that is everything.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
By the Light of a Carolina Moon 